


Alexander Hamilton and the meme squadron

by Legaloranges



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alexander's a hoe, But we all knew that, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Other, Texting, chatroom, i'll add more later, no one dies, they talk about abuse like once
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-17
Updated: 2017-05-06
Packaged: 2018-10-20 05:46:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10656153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Legaloranges/pseuds/Legaloranges
Summary: Welcome to the unoffical Hamilton group chateveryone is gay and no one knows how to calm downim sorry for this





	1. Welcome to hell (the groupchat)

**Author's Note:**

> this is the first thing i've written on this site so i may?? have some heckin' errors with posting this but oh well what're you gonna do

Alexander-Damnilton added Turtle-Fcker, TisITheFrenchiestFry, PANTS, and others to a groupchat.

Alexander-Damnilton changed the groupchat name to "Hell and Hoes."

Alexander-Damnilton: Sup hoes

2Hot4This: i'm offended

Turtle-Fcker: how could I be a hoe i've never dated anyone

TisITheFrenchiestFry: didnt you date Martha Manning like way back when

Peg-Leg: ^^^

Turtle-Fcker: that was like a one day thing. i didnt even like her that way

Helpless: that, and youre gay

2Hot4This: lmao that rhymed 

Peg-Leg: oH HEY IT DID

Alexander-Damnilton: i stg if this fUCKIn app is broken ima kermit

Peg-Leg: kermit memes are dead, alex

Turtle-Fcker: ^^

Alexander-Damnilton: alright i forced John to help me what is up my bros/hoes

Burr: i dont classify as either of those things

Alexander-Damnilton: WOW BURR I THOUGHT WHAT WE HAD WAS R E A L

Peg-Leg: wait wait y'all had something

2Hot4This: details i crave details

Alexander-Damnilton: well we fucked once so????

TisITheFrenchiestFry: oHHHH SH IT

King-Georgeous: i smelt drama and arrived as quickly as i could

Queen: ^^ me, honestly 

Alexander-Damnilton: we were both drunk it wasnt even like,, anything,, that was anything??

Peg-Leg: mmmmhm sure

TisITheFrenchiestFry: ^^

PANTS: laF JUST DID A SASSY SNAP IM YODELING

Jeffersin: "yodeling"

Alexander-Damnilton: ew who invited the rat

Jeffersin: ew who invited the hoe

Alexander-Damnilton: IM NOT A HOE MARIA IS A HOE

2Hot4This: wow alex im hurt

2Hot4This: and to think i gave you a blowjob for $30

Peg-Leg: WOAH WHAT

Helpless: doesnt shock me

Turtle-Fcker: ^^^

Alexander-Damnilton: look sometimes when youre stressed you need to pay a good friend $30 for a blowjob literally everyone does it

Helpless: alexander, no one does that

Alexander-Damnilton: really??? thats news to me

TisITheFrenchiestFry: god i leave for like two minutes and you all are talking about blowjobs

Helpless: honestly what did you expect from us

TisITheFrenchiestFry: tru

2Hot4This: alright so alex who else have you had sexual encounters with

Alexander-Damnilton: ew dont say it like that it sounds weird that way

Alexander-Damnilton: but lets see there’s eliza, maria, angie, jefferson and Burr

PANTS: what about laurens

2Hot4This: my gOD alex youre gross

Alexander-Damnilton: i WISH i fucked laurens

Turtle-Fcker: wait what

Alexander-Damnilton: FUCK HOW DO TOU DELRER

PANTS: WHEEZE

Peg-Leg: #ALEXANDEREXPOSED

Alexander-Damnilton: it was a joke guys 

Peg-Leg: l i e s

Turtle-Fcker: aaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAHHHH

Peg-Leg: gay.

Turtle-Fcker: dwam right.

Turtle-Fcker: anyways back to screeching. 

Peg-Leg: D W A M L mAO

Alexander-Damnilton: is he ok

2Hot4This: lmao bye

Peg-Leg: nah he isnt

Peg-leg: hees too obsessed with you

Peg-Leg: hecl

Peg-Leg: hECk

Alexander-Damnilton: funny joke

Peg-Leg: gOD YOURE SO HECKING OBLIVIOUS 

Helpless: wow peggy watch your language

QUEEN: yeah peggy watch your fucking language 

PANTS: WHE E Z E

Peg-Leg: anyways,.,., alex, john is hella gay for you how can you not see that???

Alexander-Damnilton: bc he isn’t???

TisITheFrenchiestFry: my god. 

Jeffersin: even /i/ know y’all are madly in love. 

lilJemmy: ^^^

Burr: ^^^^

Alexander-Damnilton: shut the up

Turtle-Fcker: heck heck heck gtgtgtgtgtgtgtgtg

2Hot4This: o ok bye

Alexander-Damnilton: wait why

Turtle-Fcker: family stuff

Alexander-Damnilton: ur dad????

Jeffersin: PMs exist for a reason, y’know

PANTS: me john n laf are on skype

PANTS: johns dad came in and john had to get off skype real quick

Alexander-Damnilton: fuck

Helpless: woah

2Hot4This: god damn.

Peg-Leg: ^^^

Seaboy: Guys what was the homework??

QUEEN: pgs 1-3

Seaboy: ew

QUEEN: mmhm

Alexander-Damnilton: fuck off, sea salt.

Seaboy: o ok :)

Alexander-Damnilton: anyways im gonna do the Hw. Peace, hoes

Helpless: oki,, msg me if u need help

Alexander-Damnilton: ok :)

Alexander-Damnilton is now offline

Helpless: i hope laurens is ok,.,

PANTS: ye. He dad is rough on him.

TisITheFrenchiestFry: oui.

PANTS: he told alex about a hella lot of it, but just gave me and laf vague details

Jeffersin: is his dad abusive??

lilJemmy: thomas u cant just ask that

Jeffersin: whoops.

Turtle-Fcker is now offline.

Helpless: oh damn.

PANTS: @ jefferson stfu. You dont deserve to know shit abt his family life /or/ his problems. So please kindly fuck off.

Jeffersin has been kicked by TisITheFrenchiestFry.

LilJemmy: guess i’ll go, too.

lilJemmy is now offline. 

Peg-Leg: ppl be droppin’ like flies

2Hot4This: guys can we please not talk about abuse of any sort in this chat?? Its making me hella uncomfortable. Sorry, but its a triggering subject. 

Helpless: of course maria :)

2Hot4This: thanks :)

Helpless: im gonna go. PM me if you need me :)

Helpless is now offline.

Peg-Leg: okay so… ⅔ schuylers, maria, burr, and sea-boy. 

Burr is now offline.

Peg-Leg: o ok

Seaboy: HEY IM SAMUEL SEABURY AND I’M HELLA GAY FOR GEORGE FREDRICK

QUEEN: shouldnt you be doing hw??

2Hot4This: lmao knew it

Seaboy: hECK LEE STOLE MY PHONE

Peg-Leg: so u and lee are together??

2Hot4This: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Seaboy: HECK OFF ASSHOLES

Seaboy is now offline.

Peg-Leg: who wants to bet that they’re fucking?

2Hot4This: i only got $30

Peg-Leg: ah yes from giving alex a blowjob

Peg-Leg: he wont even pay up for the bet we made like last week

2Hot4This: i still dont understand why you guys think the situation is weird. I gave him a blowjob and he gave me $30 whats so weird about that??

Peg-Leg: i’m

Peg-Leg: are we really that shocked tho like

Peg-Leg: thats such an alex thing to do. 

QUEEN: y’all im gonna go bc like,.,

QUEEN: tbh i just dont want to talk to you guys if im being honest. 

QUEEN is now offline.

Peg-Leg: ok so,.,, herc, me, laf, and maria, right??

TisITheFrenchiestFry: im actually seeing a movie with herc in a bit so,.,.

Peg-Leg: lmao thats gay

PANTS: so are you

Peg-Leg: thats tru

TisITheFrenchiestFry is now offline.

PANTS is now offline. 

Peg-Leg: ok so me n you maria

2Hot4This: yep yep

Peg-Leg: nvm i gtg,.,.sorry,,, Peace out,.,..!!!1!!!!1!!!!

2Hot4This: ok byee

Peg-Leg: is now offline. 

2Hot4This is now offline.


	2. Dwam??

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's wild yall

Alexander-Damnilton: heyo bitches

Turtle-fcker: why are you so r00d to everyone

Alexander-Damnilton: shut up you love me

Turtle-Fcker: platonically. 

Alexander-Damnilton: wow john 

Turtle-Fcker: :)

Peg-leg: guys its literally 12 am the fuck

Alexander-Damnilton: says you, who can literally stay on tumblr at ungodly hours of the night 

Turtle-Fcker: peggy has a tumblr?

Peg-Leg: yeah?? you follow it dumbfuck

Alexander-Damnilton: she also has one she co-owns with maria and they post a lot of sexual shit

Alexander-Damnilton: not of themselves but

Turtle-Fcker: how did you aquire this info

Alexander-Damnilton: peggy made the mistake of letting me use her phone to "text" you

Turtle-Fcker: ah i see

Peg-Leg: dont tell eliza n angelica tho theyd literally kill me if they knew

Jeffersin: too late. already dmed both of them

Turtle-Fcker: pics or it didnt happen

Jeffersin sent a file: suckstobepeggy.jpg

Peg-Leg: OH MY G O D

Peg-Leg: I WILL,, I WILL TELL MADSION TO BREAK UP WITH YOU

Peg-Leg: FOR AB U S I NG A LITTLE GIRL

LilJemmy: youre 21 i thought

Peg-Leg: ,,,angelica,, 

Peg-Leg: angelica,, is 21,,

Peg-Leg: im,,, 19,,

LilJemmy: still not a lil girl though

Jeffersin: ^^

Alexander-Damnilton: yknow what fuck you guys peggy is an innocent soul who does not deserve this

Peg-Leg: thanks, alex

Alexander-Damnilton: no problemo youre like a lil sister to me

Jeffersin: thats only because you dated eliza a while ago right

Alexander-Damnilton: shush about that it was like first year college and we both were desperate and thought something was there and there wasnt

Jeffersin: is that why you have so many "partners"

Turtle-Fcker: i thought u were one of them tho

Turtle-Fcker: at least alex said that yall fucked

Jeffersin: ALEX WHAT THE FUCK

Alexander-Damnilton: at least im not a pussy and i told the truth,,

Peg-Leg: he got u there

2Hot4This: for the ever loving fuck can you guys shut the fuck up

Alexander-Damnilton: no fuck you

2Hot4This: already did

Turtle-Fcker: ^^ IM DYING 

Peg-Leg: dont worry john it was a past thing he still loves you

Turtle-Fcker: wait peggy thats not what i meant

Peg-Leg: sure,,,

QUEEN: yall need to shut the fuck up and go to bed you have classes in the morning and i will not allow all of you to be tired as hell. go to sleep.

Alexander-Damnilton: will do, angie

Turtle-Fcker: yep yep night yall

Jeffersin: yeet okay

LilJemmy: i was already planning on it

2Hot4This: yep yep im basically already dreaming

Peg-Leg: mmhm yep and dont check any messages from jefferson :^)

QUEEN: i already saw and i realize theres nothing i can do about you having a tumblr like that so its whatever to me

QUEEN: now sleep

Peg-Leg: mmhm yep right on it

~~~  
Turtle-Fcker: gooood morning nerds

Alexander-Damnilton: im hurt

Turtle-Fcker: good.

Peg-Leg: why arent yall fucking yet

Alexander-Damnilton: maybe we did you just dont know it

Turtle-Fcker: ^^

Peg-Leg: you havent seen each other in a week. you guys wouldve told me if youd fucked before then

Turtle-Fcker: damn she rite

Alexander-Damnilton: the funny thing is we share a dorm and im used to seeing john everyday this lowkey sucks

Turtle-Fcker: yeah i know

Turtle-Fcker: but hey i’ll be back in like two days. 

Alexander-Damnilton: but like considering your dad we wont be able to talk much. 

Turtle-Fcker: i know..,.

Turtle-Fcker: hes been…. Not as bad

Alexander-Damnilton: god damnit PM me please

Turtle-Fcker: the only people online are you me and peggy, and she knows about my dad. 

Peg-Leg: ‘tis true. Happened while he was drunk.

Peg-Leg: he talked about you a lot too, alex.

Alexander-Damnilton: yep mmhm

Turtle-Fcker: i can just imagine your face right now and its great. 

Alexander-Damnilton: shut the up. 

Turtle-Fcker: youre blushing arent you??

Alexander- Damnilton: shhhhhhut

Alexander-Damnilton: theeee

Alexander-Damnilton: fuckkkk

Peg-Leg: “shut the fuck”

Alexander-Damnilton: i wASNT DONE YOU ASSHAT

Peg-Leg: lmao too bad

Alexander-Damnilton: why is everyone such a bully???

Peg-Leg: dont worry. John loves you

Turtle-Fcker: platonically. 

Peg-Leg: LIES LIES I TELL YOU

Turtle-Fcker: guys only one more day until i get back :)))

Peg-Leg: oh heck yeah

Peg-Leg: we can talk abt being gay

2hot4this: im offended why dont you talk about being gay with me

Peg-Leg: i thought u were straight

2hot4this: lmao no im hella gay for your sister

Peg-Leg: snRK

Helpless: what

QUEEN: w h at

2hot4this: yikes gtgtgtgtgtgtgtgtgtgtgtg

Alexander-Damnilton: I SMELLED DRAMA

Peg-Leg: heLLO DRAMA ALERT NATION

Alexander-Damnilton: IM YOUR HOST KILLER KEEMSTAR

Peg-Leg: AND LETS GET ROOOIGHT INTO THE NOOSE

Alexander-Damnilton: AND LETS GET RIIIIGHT INTO THE NEWS

Alexander-Damnilton: FUCK

Peg-Leg: HAH

Alexander-Damnilton: :((((

Helpless: @ Maria who the hek are u in love with

2Hot4This: yikes gtgtgtgtgtggtg

Peg-Leg: its obvioiusly Eliza

Helpless: AAAAAA NO WAY

QUEEN: im offended 

2Hot4This: itmayormaynotbeelizabutangelicadonttakeitpersonallyyoureheckingbeautifultoo

2Hot4This: i regret my life decisions

Alexander-Damnilton: jeez first me and John now eliza and maria whos getting married next

Turtle-Fcker: we?? Arent??? Married??

Alexander-Damnilton: we basically are

Turtle-Fcker: wait i didnt agree to this

Alexander-Damnilton: ;)))

Turtle-Fcker: EVERY KISS BEGINS WITH CONSENT

Peg-Leg: i thought every kiss began with K

Turtle-Fcker:,.,.,..

Turtle-Fcker: EVERY KISS BEGINS WITH KONSENT

Peg-Leg: better

Alexander-Damnilton: bitch i’ve got enough “konsent” smh

Turtle-Fcker: honestly alex do u wanna fite

TisITheFrenchiestFry: he’d kick ur ass, alex

PANTS: ^^

Peg-Leg: ^^

2Hot4This: rt if you want alex n john to fight 

PANTS: rt

TisITheFrenchiesFry: rtrtrt

QUEEN: rt x10

2Hot4This: RTRTRTRTRT

Helpless: lol rt

Alexander-Damnilton: i hate u guys

Turtle-Fcker: rt

Alexander-Damnilton: WOW FUCK YOU WITH A FUCKING STICK 

Turtle-Fcker: why dont you fuck me with your dICK

Peg-Leg: I AM W HE E Z I NG

PANTS: YOU G UYS NEED TO C H I ILL

Alexander-Damnilton: im too bi idk how to chill

PANTS: that doesnt?? make sense??

Alexander-Damnilton: idk it makes sense to me

Turtle-Fcker: got dwam alex cant you jsut admint youre wrong

Alexander-Damnilton: DW AM 

Peg-Leg: GOT DWAM??

Alexander-Damnilton has changed his username to Alexander-Dwamilton

Turtle-Fcker: hO MY OGD

Peg-Leg: IM WHEEZIGN 

PANTS: wtf does dwam mean

Turtle-Fcker: yknow,, like,, dwam

PANTS: ???

Peg-Leg: you dont have to understand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i ended this really lazily whoopsies


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary? lmao whats that

Alexander-Dwamilton: GAYS!!

Turtle-Fcker: you called?

Alexander-Dwamilton: i meant,,, to type,,, guys,,

Alexander-Dwamilton: ANYWAYS

Alexander-Dwamilton: JOHN GETS BACK TODAy!!

Turtle-Fcker: aw dwam i have to go back to you

PANTS: i still dont get dwam

TisITheFrenchiestFry: i was going to say me to but john showed us the origin of that

PANTS: ???

TisITheFrenchiestFry: let me find a link to the video

TisITheFrenchiestFry: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkdrJWE-rqI

PANTS: i cant believe I just listened to Katy Perry's last friday night in the fictional language known as simlish

Peg-Leg: how come we're talking about dwam but not frooby noo

Turtle-Fcker: hey alex on frooby noo you wanna go to the movies

Alexander-Dwamilton: hell ye

Helpless: DID JOHN JUST SET UP A DATE WITH ALEX

Turtle-Fcker: fuck i think i did

Alexander-Dwamilton: WAIT THATS ACTUALLY A DATE WE'RE ACTUALLY GONNA SEE A MOVIE ON FRIDAY

Turtle-Fcker: uh yeah if you want

Alexander-Dwamilton: FUCL FUCK Y E S S 

Jeffersin: god yall are gay

Turtle-Fcker: so? are?? you??

PANTS: ^^

Jeffersin: what gave you that idea???

Peg-Leg: [insert james coughing in the distance]

PANTS: WHEEZE

Peg-Leg: ^^ james is probably doing that too 

Peg-Leg: thomas you should probably go save him ://

Jeffersin: i hate you all

liljemmy: even me?

Jeffersin: ,,,no

liljemmy: hah gay

Jeffersin: hO MY G OD

Turtle-Fcker: wowza

Turtle-Fcker: ANYWASY!!

Turtle-Fcker: PEACE OUT Y'ALL IM GETTING ON THE PLANE I'LL SEE YALL IN ABOUT 2 HOURS!!

Alexander-Dwamilton: YEEEET

Peg-Leg: WE SHOULD GO GET DRINKS TONIGHT TO CELEBRATE

QUEEN: HELL NAH PEGGY YOURE 19

Peg-Leg: yeah but i have a fake i.d

QUEEN: oh then its okay :)

Helpless: i guess i'm gonna have to be the designated driver?

Alexander-Dwamilton: you know it darling

Helpless: hhh okay

2Hot4This: you dont like drinking anyways??

Helpless: yeah but i always have to drive your drunk asses home because you cant spend one night not getting drunk

Alexander-Dwamilton: thats true

Turtle-fcker is now offline.

Alexander-Dwamilton: im vvv excited for john to get back :))))

Peg-Leg: of course you are you gay fuck

Alexander-Dwamilton: *bi fuck

{i got lazy with the chapter so lets say they went out to drink when john got back}

[PRIVATE CHAT WITH ALEXANDER-DWAMILTON]

Helpless: alex??? 

Helpless: alex what the fuck were did you go

Helpless: i swear to GOD if you left with john

Helpless: you did,, didnt you

Helpless: CUZ HES NOT HERE EITHER 

Helpless: YOU NASTIES

[Hell and Hoes]

Helpless: so yeah alex and john left to go fuck

Peg-Leg: knew it

PANTS: i fugure d thatd happen

TisITheFrenchiestFry: at east they live in the same dorm

Helpless: okay no more drinks for you guys you cant type correctly anymore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YO SORRY I DIED FOR LIKE THREE WEEKS SCHOOL HAS BEEN A BITCH AND I HAD N O IDEAS FOR THIS LMAO


End file.
